i thought i'd be fine.. you left and right when i was becoming strong and the tears began to stop, alll i needed to do was get my mind off of you. then you come back, and you made me so happy.. but now i dont know. im trying not to think and have doubts about you, but i cant help it. im with you, the person who makes me truly happy.. but now is also the cause of my tears, pain, occupied mind, stress, depression and anger. yesterday at church, all i could think about was you. thats not how its supposed to be.. my mind is suppose to be cleared and focused on church, but no.. i couldnt handle it. all i could do was think about you and hold my tears in. i heard father mention about us being tested by god in a relationship, and you came across my mind once again. i was thinking that maybe god was testing our relationship to see if we can handle it. i am on the verge of leaving you, but i always think of why i went out with you in the first place and what made me fall in love with you so immediately. i made a promise to never leave you and to love you from now until eternity.. and im going to keep it, i promised to you, god, your mom, your dad, your sisters, your whole entire family, my grandma, grandpa, dad, stepmom; i promised to my heart and over my mom's grave. i know you're probably thinking that im bullshitin' you and only can hope that i will stick to my words and that im only saying that cause thats how i feel at this moment.. and that later on my feelings for you will change, but i've felt this way since i've been with you and i still do now even though im going through all this pain. i will never leave you, but if you leave me.. i dont care if you break your promises not to hurt me, i will never stop loving you. a part of my heart will always belong to you. you've hurt me once when you broke up with me, and now i kno that its possible for you to hurt me again. i thought i've given up on finding love and waiting for it to come to me. it wont help if all i do is sit and wait and let everything in life pass by me. i love you, and thats all that matters.. but i dont want to keep on having long ass days where all i do is think of you 24/7 and cry.. it shouldnt be that way. but i cant leave you because of something that i dont kno is 100% true, or something that i kno is partially true. i want to talk to you, but im scared that i'd be wasting my time again trying to work things out when you dont want to. i wish i knew how you felt, but i cant read your mind.. and i can only find out from you.. i'll never leave you, even if you cause me alll this pain.. i'll never stop loving you because you helped me to find the feeling of true love and being wanted, missed, and thought of by someone else. so i guess i'll jus think somemore and shed more tears until my heart is numb and the well runs dry..
